Can I pull this off???

[dougnsueanne]

With the help of Randymon, I am planning a surprise proposal at CN May 8 - 15. Now I am having thoughts of going ahead and getting married while we are there. I would love for all of this to be a surprise to her. Here are my dilemmas.

We applied for passports a few weeks ago and I can't get a copy of her birth certificate in time for the 30 day notice to the resort.

What to do about her dress??? Is there any place available in Negril?

Ladies, would you like the way I am planning this?

I'm not sure of her ring size....

The proposal is to take place on Sunday....when to have the ceremony??? Wednesday? Thursday?

I know my planning is poor, but I just thought why not go ahead and get married in paradise?

Randymon, any thoughts or suggestions from you???

Thanks in advance,

Doug

[randymon]

Hi Doug,

I have two immediate thoughts. First, Congratulations on making the decision to propose at Couples Negril.

Second thought: Whoa there, Big Fella! Are you afraid she will change her mind when you leave paradise? LOL

Seriously... IMHO, one surprise may be enough. By attempting the second - besides the legal requirements and rushed logistics - you would be preempting the opportunity and joy for her to plan the wedding, etc.

My suggestion is --- When she says yes, plan to return within "X" amount of time to have the ceremony.

I'm just sayin'

[schwieso]

Agree with randymon, NEVER plan a wedding for a female, especially if it is her first wedding. Most females have been planning their weddings since they were little girls.

[Travelpatty]

Doug,
First of all, congratulations! I agree with Randymon. Our children surprised us with a vow renewal at Swept Away for our 40th Anniversary. They arranged the whole thing, brought us the appropriate clothes, etc. and we never had a clue. While it was certainly wonderful I would have preferred a little warning.
Best of luck.

[Billy_Audra]

Randymon is 100% right on this one....he usually is on most affairs of the heart. Personally, I think returning in a few months, a year, or whenever and having the ceremony then is the wise decision. Plus, once you are at the resort and the both of you find out what a truly wonderful time you will have, there is no doubt you both will want to come back. Add to that the joy and excitement of going back for your wedding and, well.......COULD IT GET ANY BETTER OR ROMANTIC THAN THAT??

Congrats on your impending suprise. The excitement and love expressed in your original post is quite heartwarming!!!!

[smoo72]

While I think your heart is in the right place, planning a wedding is a big deal to a lot of women. I, personally, would not have been thrilled with a surprise wedding. I had been planning that wedding well before we were even engaged I was so stoked about it. I would have been upset having had that experience taken away from me. And the dress IS a big deal. I also would not want to be relegated to trying to find something in Montego. AND, I don't know your future fiance, but does she want family at the wedding? A surprise wedding would be taking that away from her too.

I totally commend you for wanting to sweep her off her feet and be romantic, but you already are with a proposal. As a female, I would not have been pleased if my husband sprung a surprise wedding on me.

[Chris]

I'm with Randymon on this one... I'm a hopeless romantic, but logistically, this would be like trying to pull off the Triple-Lindy on a frozen lake (please forgive the "Back to School" reference).

Don't bite off more than you can chew... I suspect that when she says yes, a promise to return to "the scene of the crime" would be more than enough of a surprise.

Good luck to you!

[Vee]

I'm with Randymon. Unless she is a totally, crazy spontaneous person, she's not going to want to get married right then and there. (I don't think....) She's going to want to show off her ring to family and friends, find the perfect dress, get her hair/nails/makeup done....

Almost any woman would want the chance to plan ahead. Plus, this gives you an excuse to go back to CN over the summer.

Congratulations!!

[Ben]

From a lady (despite the screen name)....

My husband proposed to me at CSS. It was wonderful and we were able to enjoy the rest of the week at CSS ENGAGED!!
We then were married at CSA a year later. I love all these memories!
I personally wouldn't have been ok with him planning a wedding without my knowing and input. I would first want to share the news that I was engaged with all the important people in my life and then spend some time picking out a dress and planning where and when to be married.
Your wedding is a big deal for the both of you, plan it together!

[EinWI]

The proposal sounds great....but the wedding...whoa there is right! Weddings for a girl (most girls) is a big deal....most people want family, friends involved. I say pop the question, and you can always come back to Jamaica later for a weddingmoon....but I wouldn't spring this on her so fast like that. I agree with Randymon.

[Blondie]

I have to agree with Randymon.

The proposal is great, she will love it and remember it for the rest of your lives, but I would not be happy with a surprise wedding.

Let her have her day, let her plan, find the perfect dress, the perfect sandals, maybe even invite some friends to join you. Plan on coming back to CN for the wedding. We were married at CN, they do a wonderful job, but part of the fun was the planning. We had several freinds and family that joined us, I spent months planning what I was wearing, what my husband wore, gifts for our friends and the staff at CN, etc. And when it all came off just the way I dreamed it was a perfect day. And for me, that was the second time around and I still would not give up any of the planning. For me at least, planning is a great part of the whole process.

[r&cford]

I would have to agree with Randy! I think it's wonderful to propose in such a wonderful place, but it may take away her joy of planning a wedding if it's all done then. I had somethings I was very particular about for my wedding that I don't think really mattered to my husband...like my dress, hair, and most important pictures. Let her enjoy the moment of getting engaged and then planning a wedding. I DO suggest making the ceremony a Couples experience. We haven't regretted it ONE time since October 2008!

[Adatello]

I agree - stick with the proposal. My fiance proposed to me when we were at CN back at the end of 2008 and we're heading back in a couple of weeks on our honeymoon!

I'm not one of these girls that has always dreamed of my perfect wedding, nor have I loved every minute of the planning - at times I have thought how great it would be to get married overseas.

However, at the end of the day, it's fun returning from holiday with a fiance, a new ring on your finger and announcing the news to family and friends. We enjoyed a couple of months just being engaged before the planning started.

I've had fun going to wedding fairs, choosing my dress, having a hen / bachelorette party. And now we have the wedding in a castle next weekend, before jetting back CN.

You know your other half better and probably have a better idea of what she'll like, but I would suggest sticking with the proposal for now and enjoy the best of both worlds!

Good luck with the proposal!

[gary butkus]

agree with randymon!! besides, this gets you to come back!!

[Ayslinn]

I agree with what everyone else has said here. from a girl anticipating getting engaged and also anticipating planning her wedding, it just doesn't seem fair to take that planning away from your fiancé.

that being said, the engagement idea is wonderful! a private dinner on the beach, candles, flowers... something romantic. you said you didn't know her ring size- are you planning on proposing ring-in-hand, or going ring shopping together after the fact? if it's the first option, and your vacation is in may, you better find out quick!! ask her friends to bring it up casually, or casually bring it up yourself. if worst comes to worst guesstimate and then have it sized right after your proposal at the jewlery shop onsite? just some suggestions.

congratulations on your pending engagement, and good luck with the planning!!!

[KCnDM]

Doug,
My fiance and I have been engaged for 7 months now, will be married the 4th of Sept and at CN the 6-13th. There is no way I would have not allowed her to have the experiences of showing her ring to her friends, planning the wedding and all the details, looking for a dress with her mother and aunts, it is an experience she will never forget...

So, with that said, slow down and allow her the opportuninty to relish in the praise she will we welcomed with upon your return to the States.

[ElaineChick]

Chiming in to agree with everyone above. From a girl's perspective, she might want to plan this on her own. It might be important to her to have a specific dress she picked out for the day or for her family to be there for to be wearing her grandmother's pearls or ... something. Even the most laid-back women usually have some kind of ideal plans for their wedding day, and even the most spontaneous women want to be the ones to decide, spontaneously, to get married.

The engagement would probably be great enough, and Couples does really neat things if you let them help out with the surprise.

[BruceandKelli]

I like to argue...

First, you may be dead in the water if you can't get a copy of her birth certificate. But if there's anyway you can pull off the logistical stuff, and don't mind possible losing your deposit, I say set it up!

People run off to Vegas and get married all the time. I can totally see being in paradise and saying, "Hey! Let's get married while we're here." Of course, it's not that simple because of the various requirements. But if you can have everything ready to go, she accepts your proposal, and she's the type that would be that spontanteous, I say GO FOR IT!!!

[AHammon]

Here is my advice and I am a woman......DONT DO IT!!! Don't try to make her get married there. Don't plan her dress or her wedding. That is the fun part for her. I think the proposal is all you need to stick to right now!!! That is prefectly romantic!!!! Give her the option of picking when and where to marry you.....please, coming from a woman, dont do that....

[Brian_Mendy]

Just a thought, I don't know if you have the engagement ring in hand yet or not, but there are some great deals on diamond rings in Jamaica. I bought one for my wife for our first anniversary while we were at CSS in November. I bought it at the CSS gift shop and got a great deal (at least according to an appraisal after we got back into the U.S.).

Maybe you could take her to the gift shop and let her look around, with the excuse of just checking out the shop. She might even happen to mention her size while looking. Then you could sneak back and purchase what she liked (maybe while sending her to the spa) :-) That's what I did. The look on her face when she got it was priceless.

[goodygirl]

Plan an incredible proposal and let her plan her great day. Let her anticipate the time of your return. You could try to get her birth certificate and ask her if she is feeling up to doing it right away, if she says no, no big deal. You could always go home and have a great reception with the money you save on a huge wedding.

[InPink]

Also agree with everyone else. The engagment itself will be a surprise enough and exciting time and she will want to shine in the spotlight of being engaged. That on top of the fact that she will most likely want to be involved in the details of her wedding and planning. While it sounds fun, it would be stressful and also disappointing for you if she wasn't quite ready to just get married right then and there...can't mess with us girls wedding planning dreams.

You can always choose to plan to come back in the future and get married there OR honeymoon there.

Keep with the proposal....then decide on the rest.

[acranger]

Agree with randymon, NEVER plan a wedding for a female, especially if it is her first wedding. Most females have been planning their weddings since they were little girls.

....Exactly. No matter what, it's HER party. For the guy, just be there!!

[dougnsueanne]

WOW!! Thanks to everyone for the responses!

OK....I get it...I was thinking that this would be a little tough to get done but didn't think about how much she would enjoy the planning and stuff.

Thanks to everyone for bringing me back down to earth!!

Doug

[Wingman3]

I've got to agree with everyone else. Right now she might want to have a "more traditional" wedding in a church. But after you propose you could mention something like "I thought we'd come back here in (x months or year) and get married here. Walk around the resort and let her get some ideas. If she was against it before she could become more open to the idea and start planning then.

Plus it could ease some anxiety she could get leading up to your return trip because she's seen everything and has an idea of what to expect then. Plus your families could attend then as well. Or if you want to suprise her again, have them take different flights and then she'd be suprised to see them there.