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  1. #1

    Default Jealous spouse - anyone else?

    Let me begin by telling you about myself: I was raised in a strict, Catholic house. I have very "old-fashioned" morals (according to my hubby) and should've been born in the 50's, he says, instead of the 70's! Unrelated (I think?), I've always been the jealous type. Not sure why, I guess insecurities. The way women are portrayed in the media as expected to look "perfect" and always being compared to movie stars and such.

    I've been with my husband for 15 years, and he has never intentionally made me feel insure. However, he is a man - therefore, when a woman / young lady walks by, he looks. In my opinion, sometimes too much (if she's young enough to be your daughter, it's gross!!). He says he forgets how old he is, because he still feels young, so looking at a 20-something doesn't bother him.

    Now for my point / question!!

    Hubby really wants to go to SSB next week - our 1st trip to CSS. We went to CTI last year, but I managed to avoid the Island. I know that he would really like to go. He says it is because he just wants to lay in the sun, naked. We had a private villa in St Lucia with a plunge pool, and we both sat on the patio, lounging without cloths. But that was just the 2 of us.

    I want to *want* to make him happy and go to SSB, but knowing how jealous I get when he looks at another woman, I don't think it's a good idea. Some may say I'm not "mature" enough to handle it - but I've been this way my whole life. I was raised that only your spouse (and doctor) should see you naked. I feel like if we go, he will, in his mind, compare me to every woman that walks by. He says this isn't the case, but insecurities rear their ugly head! Also, I don't think I would be comfortable with everyone seeing my "bits" - nor do I want to see theirs!!

    I've read the board here, so I know people say that you forget about being naked; no one looks; no one judges; etc. It's a great thought, I just don't see how it's possible. Men LOOK. It is ingrained in the Y chromosome.

    Soo.. if I know it will make him happy, but possibly make me miserable, do I try it anyway? Do we go, head to the "right" (as I have understood it), give it 30 as recommended, and hope I'm not ticked the rest of my vacation? I really want to want to... but I don't. I guess I'm hoping someone can relate to my situation and tell me how it has gone for them. Any other jealous spouses out there that got over it, and all was "irie" in the end??!

  2. #2


    Well....I do believe in trying something before making a decision, but I also believe in not doing something you clearly do not want to do to make someone else happy. Does he know how strongly you feel about this? If yes, he should let you decide. My two cents, based on what you've said, I would not go.

  3. #3


    First of all - everybody looks. Everybody appreciates beauty. That doesn't mean we lust after that beauty, we just appreciate it. I'm sure you look at other guys at appreciate their handsomeness without lusting after them. Having said all that - the AN beach has nothing to do with jealousy, lust, or desire. It's a terrific way to enjoy your freedom, meet like minded new friends (we were first timers at CN and are going back next year). Nobody cares. Nobody judges. It's just great new friends enjoying a drink, the sand, the sun, the ocean, with no clothes. It's not sexual in the slightest. Are there great looking people there? Of course. There are also average people, overweight people, older people. We fall into the latter category, although we try our best to keep in shape. Your worries are unfounded. You will not believe the many new friends you will make by venturing over to the AN side. We did so much last year we're going back to see our new friends again - with or without their clothes - because it just doesn't matter.

  4. #4


    You're gonna see naked people. You're going to see women and guys, and so is he. They're in the sight line in places like these. But if it helps, I didn't see any heavy duty look and linger type things. I'm a naturally curious person even when people have clothes on, but it would have felt really weird for me to be staring down a person on the nude beach.

    Lastly, guys aren't comparing their ladies when they turn their head at another. Has he been unfaithful to you? Has any look turned into anything more? At the end of the day, we (or at least I) know where I belong. A woman might have a better body than my wife, but at the end of the day nobody else is her. (However I'm also the type of person who doesn't mind if my wife says some guy with perfect abs is sexy) Personally I enjoyed seeing her romping around in the ocean nude more than seeing the other women I saw. It was my first time, before the trip I told myself there was no way I would do it, and I can't wait to do it again. (side note: Vitamin G helped us get over our jitters and loosen up, if that is your sorta thing. I was not comfortable with people seeing my junk until I took the plunge and just did it.)

    Nobody can answer but you if its right for you. You could always try it, and if you don't like it stick to the clothed side. I really doubt he'd be in any kind of stare down mode as it would be really awkward for him to do that there.

  5. #5


    Women look too !!! Everyone looks. Maybe see it this way. Have trust and confidence within your relationship, that yes he will look, and so will you, but at the end of the day, you will be going back home together. He has proven that for 15 years. He is all yours, and he loves you. All else out there doesn't matter.

  6. #6


    Please don't be jealous - nothing good comes of it. Jealousy spawns from mistrust. Your 15 years with Mr. Travlin'girl seems to suggest no reason for mistrust.

    Men LOOK is in the DNA... that may be true, but it is a part of curiosity that subsides once you are in a non-sexual social environment, be it clothed, or clothes free. Don't worry about "comparison shopping" at SSB. You will find all shapes, sizes, age, color and generally a cross section of people who you might meet in any other setting. You will fit right in and will not feel as if you are breaking the moral code from your upbringing, as I assume that you would not be flaunting such - as the girls in the tiny swim costumes on the U/N (Un Naturale) beach do. You will find this to be a natural feeling of freedom of mind and body.

    We just returned from CSS and daily visits to SSB. If you have concerns for modesty, you can stay at the beach, where the lounge chairs are more spread out and seems to be more private. There you can enjoy the feeling of clothes freedom where others are doing the same, but keeping mostly to themselves. That modesty though will soon subside, when you realize that people are not there to look at your bits. After a short while, his (and your) curiosity is satisfied and put to rest.

    The pool area is more of a social clothes free environment, with the swim up bar and people enjoying the pool or pool activities. We found interesting people there, who were not solely focused on nudity, but to be sure, enjoying it, without care or embarrassment. I don't recall anyone there not being both friendly and nonjudgmental. We met some interesting people who anyone would respect in their community. We made friends and will remain in touch.

    My lovely Missus was reluctant to try... not from a jealously standpoint, but from that "old fashion moral wall". She did take the plunge, and was used to the freedom in short order, shedding the self consciousness.

    I say give it a try. You may become liberated from those "old fashion" morals, which seem to be based on the same rationale which keeps women in Islam covered in Burkas from the same jealousy and mistrust that may be your concern. Once so liberated... I assure you, you will enjoy the freedom.

    Please post how it went....and enjoy your upcoming slice of paradise. And if you do make it to the A/N pool... tell Jahneal (serving at the bar) that AJ & Cheryl says hi!

  7. #7


    I'm thinking that going to SSB with your husband may be catastrophic for your relationship. Don't go.

    Having said that I cannot confirm that I know anything about you except that you do have a jealousy issue. Perhaps there is a place you can try it out back in the USA where you wont have ruined a costly vacation and ended a marriage because of your insecurities. That's not an accusation, it's a fact. We all 'look' and we may have our private thoughts but never, ever have we seen any improprieties or silly nonsense going on. It isn't a wife-swapping club after all!

    You will, of course, find that your jealousies will be piqued at the main beach too (in fact, in any place in the world where people sunbathe!). Perhaps even more than on SSB. There are ladies that wear the skimpiest of bikinis and, from a red-blooded male viewpoint, there is something a lot more sexy about something covered up than when it's all on show. Sure, you'll find the odd perfect 10 on SSB (both male and female) but the youngsters, with firm everything, tend to hang around the main beach and the main pool as they actually think that nakedness is a bit 'eeeeeuuuuwwww, gross!'. I strongly suspect that there is less staring on SSB than there may be in any other section of CSS.

    So, all in all, a bit of a dilemma for someone with the terrible 'green eyed monster' problem (which we have all experienced by the way, but perhaps not in our later years). Also, don't forget that the raison d'etre of any of the Couples resorts is to offer a place where couples can reconnect their own love for each other. The likelihood of your husband being tempted away from you in a Couples resort has to be 0.0000000001% as that is not why people choose Couples. Why did you guys choose Couples?

    I suspect that you are too set in your ways to be happy at SSB. But don't let that matter, CSS is an amazing venue and fewer people use the AN beach than the main beach. Just enjoy lounging with like minded friends in paradise but with your cold wet swimmies on.
    Last edited by Murtle; September 15th, 2015 at 08:25 AM.

  8. #8


    If you have jealousy issues, you should probably do everyone a favor & skip SSB.

  9. #9


    First, this is a decision that only you can make. We all have our opinions but your opinion is what counts. That being said, if you have even the least amount of interest I would suggest giving it a try. As you said, enter and head to the right. If you have no interest and are only considering it to "Take one for the Team" and allow your husband to go, then DON'T go, you likely won't be happy and may resent him making you go.

    As has been said above, we all tend to look, doesn't mean we lust or stare. We are human and therefore have curiosity.

    CSS is a beautiful resort and has a lot to offer. The Au Natural area is just part of the offerings and you can have a wonderful trip without experiencing SSB. Do what will make you happy. After 15 years, he will understand if you just cannot go to SSB.

  10. #10


    Married or not, men look at women and women look at men. It's natural. We're attracted to the opposite sex and without that attraction we would stop reproducing and eventually we would all die off. Just because your husband looks at another women, (not staring) it doesn't mean he is interested in her, or less interested in you. He is just behaving like a normal human being. It's not by choice, It's human behavior. Women look too! The big difference is women try to be more discreet.

    I think you are an honorable wife for wanting to please your husband by taking part in something he likes to do and I hope he does the same for you. (one of the things that makes a marriage strong) But... I think you will benefit from the experience much more than he will. You will see how being naked is not dirty or shameful and those negative views you grew up with were unfounded. You will see that nobody is judging or comparing you. Nobody is gawking or staring. A glance and a smile? Yes, most likely. After 20 or 30 minutes you will be pleasantly surprised at how comfortable you feel and maybe your husband had a pretty good idea after all.
    CTI - 2007, 2010, 2013, 2015, 2016

  11. #11


    Think of it this way, you are going to a beach resort. Do you think your husband won't look at girls in bikinis on the textile beach? Is it a different kind of look on a nude beach? My wife points out women for me to look at walking down the street! Relax and trust your husband but if you are not comfortable exposing yourself to the sun and other resort guests, then stick to the textile beach...

  12. #12


    Being an "islander" at CTI. I enjoy everything about it. The sun, the people, the camaraderie. However if my lady told me that being there made her miserable or it would ruin her trip in any way I would not go over. Communicate your feelings to your husband and trust him to make the right call. Good luck!

  13. #13


    You'll find it's more likely for him to be 'looking' at the textile beach, than at SSB. I tend to find, people who are nudists simply enjoy being nude. At the textile beach, as Murtle stated, you'll find the skimpy bikinis and generally, younger people with, let's say, more perfect bodies. If he looks, he looks, we all look and admire the human form; at SSB you may see something dangling that peaks your interest as well! Give it a shot, the beach is quiet time, the pool is the social setting; nothing like neekid pool volleyball as an icebreaker!

  14. #14


    I too was in the same sort of dilemma about 7 years ago. I was raised (and still am a practicing Catholic- involved in the church). My husband had been wanting to do such a thing for a long time. I of course did not. Jealous was not one of my problems however. I learned early on in our over 30 year relationship that he was going to look at and talk to other females, but that it was just his personality, and usually meant nothing. When I booked our first trip to CSS, I told him about the AN beach, and that I would think about going. But if we went and I did not like it he could not ask again, nor hold it against me. He agreed. We went the first full day we were at CSS. Did he look, probably, but he always looks otherwise, so what is the difference. As stated above, men are more interested if they have something to imagine, rather than all hanging out. It ended up, I enjoyed it as much or more than he did. I was ready the next day before him. We met some great people who became our friends. I know my husband told me he had more thoughts waiting on the clothed beach to go on one of the boat trips and watching those there than he did on the AN beach. We couldn't wait for December each year and our trip to CSS. We missed it a lot the last couple of years when we couldn't go due to his health, and now I am not sure when or if I will ever be coming back since I lost him this past November, and buried him the day we normally would have left for our trip.

    My suggestion is relish each other, and work on getting over the jealousy since it will not do any relationship any good. Only you can decide if going is worth what the cost to you and the relationship might be, it might be bad, but it also might be a good thing.

  15. #15


    Can you honestly say you don't look?? I know I do....I think it is simply human nature. All of the advice here has been interesting and I have to completely agree with those who have suggested that you should NOT try it just to make him happy, but I do think you should try it for yourself. I am however concerned about the jealousy issues.....won't you feel just as jealous on the textile beach? I find the costumes on the textile beach to be much more attention grabbing than the naked body and an angry spouse or a fighting couple on vacation in paradise would be an absolute shame....I actually have witnessed the jealous aftermath (a situation that had occurred earlier in the day on the textile beach) that lead to a turbulent encounter with a couple in our building....they were promptly asked to leave the resort entirely.....don't let that be you. Couples is and should be about romance, closeness and rediscovery of each other.
    You do not indicate that your spouse has ever given you a reason to be this true? Is it possible that you should talk to someone about your "insecurities"?
    I can honestly tell you that there is nothing sexual about SSB....and if you are able to relax, you may find that you really enjoy the sun and the ocean without a wet bathing suit stuck to your butt! But, for heavens sake, do not simply do it to make him happy! I personally see nothing but resentment coming from has to be something that you both willingly agree to try.
    Try to remember that visiting SSB is not about some beauty contest and you will absolutely see all shapes, sizes and life battle will also make many new and good friends if you so choose. Go and enjoy all that paradise has to offer and rediscover why you fell in love with your partner in the first place. San Souci is spectacular and private and very romantic....if you choose to head directly to the right on SSB, no one will bother you and everyone will respect your privacy...HONEST.
    One more thing....I was also raised in a religious and moral home and I do not, for one second think that sharing the sun, ocean and pool games if you choose to (floaty races are hilarious) is the least bit immoral...try to remember that you were actually born naked, LOL! Take deep breaths and enjoy San Souci.
    Gene and Jeanne
    CSS October 2012, 2013, 2014
    CSS October 2015...not this year
    CSS October 2016 SOON COME!

  16. #16


    So sorry to hear of your loss Lindad. Please cherish the many memories you had with your husband. It certainly sounds like you loved each other a lot.

  17. #17


    This thread makes me want to give my wife an extra hug.

    She is the one that talked me into our first nude beach. She was naked before I could even sit my bag down.

    I love this woman!

  18. #18


    "My suggestion is relish each other, and work on getting over the jealousy since it will not do any relationship any good. Only you can decide if going is worth what the cost to you and the relationship might be, it might be bad, but it also might be a good thing."

    Great advice Lindad and I am so very, very sorry for your loss.
    Gene and Jeanne
    CSS October 2012, 2013, 2014
    CSS October 2015...not this year
    CSS October 2016 SOON COME!

  19. #19


    As has been mentioned I don't think being at SSB will be any better than the main beach - many times women will go topless and will wear bathing suits so tiny they can fit in prescription bottles at the mb - and - you're more likely to run into singles or groups of men/women since they cannot go to SSB and this can be more distracting because they might be deliberately flaunting the goods...

    At SSB you will find only couples who are secure enough in their relationships to take the plunge so it's simple - we're all in the same situation -> we're all there together - with our significant others. In the end, you're not going to find any women (or men) who are receptive to anything more than a casual glance and friendly smile. (Disclaimer - there is the occasional lurker but it's rare)

    IF you're willing to still try it - remember you're at Couples - this is the safest environment you're going to find to give it a try...

    Now - about the compare you to others part - trust me on this one as it's coming from a guy - what will happen is when you remove all the push up this and "conforming fit" you even out the playing field and it's more likely that you will both leave SSB with a new appreciation for each other.

    Yes - he will look - you will too - but after a very short time they all start to look the same and trust me - the older you get, the more true that is... You both will satisfy your curiosity and will get past it very quickly.

    If you still have reservations you can still satisfy his desire to give it a try while limiting greatly the chance you'll get jealous.

    First - go very early - around 6:00am or so - find seats as far to the right as possible. You will have SSB mostly to yourself - if anyone shows up for the next 3 hours it's most likely going to be us old folks so not only will there be nothing to compare to, he might not even want to look!

    Give it some time - let some people show up - you'll see - it's not rock stars and barbies - the playing field is very level...

    If you get un-comfortable at any point it's time to leave (and this should be agreed upon before you go - that you leave with no questions or complaints)

    The second option is to go at night - just make sure there's no parties at SSB that night - usually you can go swim in the pool and hang out alone...

    Third - What about trading places to try it? That's how we did it the first time - we thought - at least we won't know/recognize anyone there... It worked as it gave us a chance to get over our reservations and get comfortable...

    Hope this helps...

  20. #20


    I am not too sure about the 6AM suggestion. 8AM to 9AM is early to go to SSB and you will find the watersport crew cleaning the pool and grounds. Great suggestion on going to the far right. They should have the beach raked clean in that area by then.
    CSA 2012, CSA 2013, CN 2014, CSA 2014, CSS 2014,
    CN 2015, CSA 2015, CSS 2015
    CANCELLED: CSA 2015/2016, CN 2016 (health issue)
    BOOKED: CSS 2016

  21. #21


    Lots of great insight already posted on this thread, but I feel compelled to add my own. I too grew up Catholic before joining the Baptist faith as an adult. My wife grew up Baptist, we met at a Baptist University, we have four little Baptist kiddos, and I an ordained Baptist deacon who has taught Sunday school for years. So that establishes the religious credentials I guess.

    Now for the AN beach credentials...We never miss a chance to visit SSB (5 trips to CSS), and we just returned from CTI and our first experience on the island.

    I struggled mightily early in my marriage with jealousy. That is not something I could blame on my church, or my wife or on others...that's something I alone have to own and be responsible for, and fix. Love is never jealous, right? Among many other things that we learn in Corinthians. What you are feeling is normal to a point, but what I learned early on with my 24 years into this that God blessed me with an amazing, intelligent, beautiful, strong willed and independent Christian woman. It really didn't matter what I thought about it, if I were to love her, I was to love everything about her, and everything that God had made her to be. She is wwwwwaaaaaayyyyyy more comfortable and confident on the AN beach than me, but I love watching my confident wife enjoy the sun. She absolutely beams while we are there. I am usually oblivious to anyone else and to anyone watching her...I couldn't care less. The people there are always so respectful and comfortable that you have to imagine that is actually what God had in mind before we messed it up and had to put on clothes.

    My advice to you is to deal with the root issue here before you go to SSB. Read the countless scriptures on this subject. There is no room for jealousy in a marriage, and consenting to go to SSB will not solve, and may only worsen whatever that root issue might be. Don't allow that to creep into a marriage, and have an open discussion about those feelings with your spouse. If you can conquer it and ultimately go, it is an experience like no other and you will love it. Like myself, you may never be as comfortable as your spouse, but you will be closer for having shared the experience along the way.

  22. #22


    Awesome advice Nick&Nora!!!
    Gene and Jeanne
    CSS October 2012, 2013, 2014
    CSS October 2015...not this year
    CSS October 2016 SOON COME!

  23. #23


    I think jealousy is normal and we all fight it. I just celebrated my 3rd wedding anniversary on the island (CTI) so we are waaaayyyy behind you. I have so much insecurity. My husband used to work in a strip club! Let me just say I'm over 40, overweight, have a mom bod (which as it turns out is not as sexy as a dad bod), and just really don't deserve my awesome dude.

    I will add that this is my fourth trip to AN CTI and NEVER ONCE has my man made me feel any less than beautiful and desired while there. Actually, I feel a bit better about myself because in my own head, I think I'm the most hideous person alive. When I'm out there, I see that some are younger and thinner, some are older and fatter, and none of it matters. Literally none of it. Each person there is there with the person they love most in the world.

    If anything, the AN environment enhances our romance. Not in a kinky way, but in a way that we are free and unclothed all day so we are just more ready to get it on in the room before dinner than those who have to deal with wet bathing suits. I recommend trying it and giving it an honest try. Meet some people. Be in the moment. Trust yourself and your relationship. You got this, gurl.

  24. #24


    Very well said, Nick&Nora. Very well said.

  25. #25


    I've said this before on other posts - you do the obligatory "down up" with the eyes, and you're good. That's it. Done. And you forget about the fact that you and everyone around you is naked. I don't watch South Park much at all, but I will quote the policeman from that show - "Move along people - nothing to see here". I can't stress enough that It. Just. Doesn't. Matter.

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