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  1. #1
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    Default The husband/wife reluctance issue

    I've read so many threads where the female in the couple was reluctant but the male was all ready and set to go and needed to convince her. I've yet to read one where it's the opposite. Why do you think that is? It's certainly not been my experience.

    Don't get me wrong, my partner and I are both as eager as you can be for the AN experience. We loved our first time at CTI and can't wait to get back. But I'm a widow and my husband of 13 years who died would NEVER have done AN. I think it was a combination of his being more conservative, plus his fear of other guys gawking at his wife. I guess for that reason, until I came here, I always thought either guys would be more reluctant or else it would be at least 50/50.

    In a related note, there were no same sex couples when we were there. Are there ever?

  2. #2
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    In our case, it was a 50/50. We were both nervous, but figured that since we were going to a place that offered AN, we needed to try it at least once. I don't think either of us would have tried this, even a few years ago. Since reading this board, we decided the first day was the right time. My wife actually relaxed and was much more comfortable with it than I was. She got used to it quickly, it took me a couple of days and a couple of drinks each day before I could relax. She is the one that led us to that beach each and every day of our vacation. We are very much looking forward to going back next year though with a week of experience at the AN thing.

  3. #3

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    If we had not discovered this message board before we made our first trip I think it would have been much more difficult to try it. We read as much information as possible so we knew what to expect. I doubt i would have considered it early in our marriage when we were in our early 20's...just out of misguided jealousy or insecurity. We were married almost 20 years our first trip and very confident and comfortable with the idea once we understood what made Couples so different. I think my wife was then, and still is, the more comfortable of the two of us though. She absolutely loves the all over feel of the hot Jamaican sun and is not about to let anyone else deter her.

    As to your other question. We have been each of the last two years and have seen one same sex couple, women.

    57 days until we return. Woooohoooo!

  4. #4

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    I think it's a couple things. Guys, for the most part, it falls into the "hey y'all watch this!" sort of mentality. The urge to take on dares, swim crocodile infested rivers, skydive, hang glide, drive cars at triple digit speeds, get married, that sort of thing. It's an adrenaline rush (or so we think.) It's also a case of guys being more visually oriented, and thinking it's going to be "sexy" sort of viewing. Then we get there, and it's not really "sexy," although it might be a bit of an adrenaline rush initially, that settles out real quick.

    Women I think, are more reluctant because of what's been shoved in their faces as the "ideal" woman. Which, not to put too fine a point on it, 99.9999% of women don't meet, so they're concerned about their looks, and possibly also their husbands reaction to other women in the buff.

    Now, these are MASSIVE generalizations, so please don't think I'm saying everyone is like this. Some people are simply uncomfortable with being nude, regardless of the situation...

    As for same-sex couples, on our last day on the Isle at CTI, there were a couple guys who looked to me like they might have been a couple. Nothing overt (nobody gets overt that I saw,) just the way they seemed to be. I could even be wrong about them. My attitude? Hey, if they're a couple and they're behaving like everyone else, who cares?

    Jason
    CTI (and the Isle) again in:
    400 odd days...

  5. #5
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    I'll tell you why it is if you really want to know. Females are reluctant because they generally have the brains in the relationship. My wife is absolutely stunning and I want to show her off! That's the bottom line, sport'n what you got. OK, thats it for most guys. Other men may just want to look at other women, not sure. But since everyone has on sunglasses, you never know where they are looking, yikes. Now, since my wife has brains and is gorgeous, she is ok with being seen naked. It's all a little taboo we all know that, so that makes it fun. I think saying you just enjoy the freedom of being nude and uniting with nature is hogwash. In all actuality mens naked parts are not attractive, neither is being able to see certain areas of a women up close and smiling at you. So who knows why we do it.

  6. #6
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    I think it's a cultural thing - girls are taught from a very young age to keep everything covered-up (because all boys are just trying to get into your pants so don't give them any reason to look) and have typically had more body issues as our culture drives them to be constantly comparing themselves with what they see in the media. I also bet that as we continue to see more equality between the sexes that more boys are likely to start having similar issues as well. There are more and more ads in the media preying on men's insecurity about their body image - I see and hear more ads for men's weight-loss products, hair coloring, etc. - products that heretofore were primarily targeted towards women. So it may indeed begin to drift more towards 50/50.

    Also, I'd say that American culture has generally equated nudity with sex - it's simple, consistent, and gives conservatives one more thing to campaign about (remember all the hoopla over the now infamous 'wardrobe malfunction'?). The fear of other men gawking at one's wife is seems like some form of insecurity and is more an individual rather than a cultural issue.

    I've been to both CTI and CN once and did not see any same sex couples either.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by improvgirl View Post
    . . . In a related note, there were no same sex couples when we were there. Are there ever?
    Same-sex couples are welcome at the Couples Resorts, but they weren't always. While they're welcome at the resorts today, however, Jamaica, like many islands in the Caribbean, is not a gay-friendly destination and still has laws criminalizing homosexual sexual contact. For that reason, same-sex couples are advised to refrain from PDA while off of the resort premises.
    Pamela
    I know everything, and I'm always right (just ask my husband).

  8. #8
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    It usually is the woman who are reluctant. In our case it was my husband. We were married and honeymooned at CTI when it was COR. There was no way my husband was going to the island.
    And I'm really not sure exactly why! Maybe it is some of the same fears everyone has about body issue, maybe it was his strict Catholic upbringing? Who knows? But I was there to be with him so I dropped it.
    A few years later we were vacationing in Hawaii and I told him about a fabulous beach for snorkeling. Somehow forgot to mention it was clothing optional! We snorkeled, I undressed, he followed and we spent the entire day there. We have been to Sunset Beach at CSS and a local clothing optional beach here at home since. He has become comfortable au natural now.
    I think some of the biggest obstacles are perceptions that everyone is Hollywood gorgeous, or that it is for swingers or that it is somehow sexually charged atmosphere, when nothing could be further from the truth.
    It is the same people you see everywhere, people you would enjoy a ball game with or enjoy a drink with at the local bar. It is exactly the same atmosphere but on the beach with no clothes.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by New to CN View Post
    I'll tell you why it is if you really want to know. Females are reluctant because they generally have the brains in the relationship. My wife is absolutely stunning and I want to show her off! That's the bottom line, sport'n what you got. OK, thats it for most guys. Other men may just want to look at other women, not sure. But since everyone has on sunglasses, you never know where they are looking, yikes. Now, since my wife has brains and is gorgeous, she is ok with being seen naked. It's all a little taboo we all know that, so that makes it fun. I think saying you just enjoy the freedom of being nude and uniting with nature is hogwash. In all actuality mens naked parts are not attractive, neither is being able to see certain areas of a women up close and smiling at you. So who knows why we do it.

    "Enjoying the freedom of being nude and uniting with nature" doesn't seem like hogwash to me. I just want to swim naked in the ocean and feel so free. I really don't care about hanging out naked on the beach and mingling with other naked peeps. We don't spend all day sitting on the beach anyway. We are doers...so AN is really not a big deal...it's being nude in the ocean. There have been so many times swimming where I just want to strip my clothes off and feel the energy of Me and the Ocean together. Last year we were at CSA so no can do. This year we will be at CN so Nude Beach it is. I'll just have to endure the beach part of it...which seems so icky...in a sand up your butt sort of way....having to do the whole performance...find chairs, get naked, lay down for a minute to pretend like we are enjoying it...and then Run into the Ocean (what we are there for in the first place) and Enjoy. Anywho, just had to say it because being ONE with nature isn't hogwash...it's bliss.

  10. #10
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    I am truely stunned by your post. I don't quite know what to make of it. It honestly turns me off of the whole experience. I just hope that your view is not the norm, and that most males are not just there to show off their wives , and or gauking at other mens wives.

    " I think saying you just enjoy the freedom of being nude and uniting with nature is hogwash. "

    For me it is more of a spiritual thing, not a "brain " thing. To see people for more than just a body, and to be free.

    How do other people feel???? Now I am curious.

  11. #11
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    Nov 2011
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    I am a veteran AN person who just prefers not to wear a bathing suit when at the beach or swimming in the pool/ocean.

    It is about the freedom and comfort of being nude, the previous poster who thinks it is about exhibitionism just does not get it.
    CSS - March, 2012
    CTI - March, 2013, 2014, 2015

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by grayturtless View Post
    I am truely stunned by your post. I don't quite know what to make of it. It honestly turns me off of the whole experience. I just hope that your view is not the norm, and that most males are not just there to show off their wives , and or gauking at other mens wives.

    " I think saying you just enjoy the freedom of being nude and uniting with nature is hogwash. "

    For me it is more of a spiritual thing, not a "brain " thing. To see people for more than just a body, and to be free.

    How do other people feel???? Now I am curious.
    The guy who posted that seems very jaded, and quite frankly sounds like someone I wouldn't want to spend time with on the AN beach. I mean it's one thing to be proud of your spouse, but to say you go to the AN beach just to "sport what you've got" or show of your wife...ugh. What a turn-off. I promise he's in the minority. Most of the people I've met on the AN beach are friendly, love being out in nature, love feeling the sun, wind and water on their entire body and are not there just to check other people out while hiding behind dark sunglasses, but to enjoy the experience of being free from societal constraints of clothing and judgement on outward appearances.

    He kind of cheapens the whole thing with his attitude!

  13. #13

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    Quote Originally Posted by New to CN View Post
    I'll tell you why it is if you really want to know. Females are reluctant because they generally have the brains in the relationship. My wife is absolutely stunning and I want to show her off! That's the bottom line, sport'n what you got. OK, thats it for most guys. Other men may just want to look at other women, not sure. But since everyone has on sunglasses, you never know where they are looking, yikes. Now, since my wife has brains and is gorgeous, she is ok with being seen naked. It's all a little taboo we all know that, so that makes it fun. I think saying you just enjoy the freedom of being nude and uniting with nature is hogwash. In all actuality mens naked parts are not attractive, neither is being able to see certain areas of a women up close and smiling at you. So who knows why we do it.
    Quote Originally Posted by LifeLoveEnergy View Post
    "Enjoying the freedom of being nude and uniting with nature" doesn't seem like hogwash to me. I just want to swim naked in the ocean and feel so free. I really don't care about hanging out naked on the beach and mingling with other naked peeps. We don't spend all day sitting on the beach anyway. We are doers...so AN is really not a big deal...it's being nude in the ocean. There have been so many times swimming where I just want to strip my clothes off and feel the energy of Me and the Ocean together. Last year we were at CSA so no can do. This year we will be at CN so Nude Beach it is. I'll just have to endure the beach part of it...which seems so icky...in a sand up your butt sort of way....having to do the whole performance...find chairs, get naked, lay down for a minute to pretend like we are enjoying it...and then Run into the Ocean (what we are there for in the first place) and Enjoy. Anywho, just had to say it because being ONE with nature isn't hogwash...it's bliss.
    grayturtless, I think that both of these posts above do hint to some realities...for some, there is excitement and curiosity; for some, there is some sense of sexuality; for some, there is the feeling of freedom; and for some, it may be a combination of these. However, take the rest of it with a grain of salt. I don't think that the overall tone in each these posts is common at all. Somewhat entertaining and humorous, but not common.

  14. #14
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    Feb 2012
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    Quote Originally Posted by New to CN View Post
    I'll tell you why it is if you really want to know. Females are reluctant because they generally have the brains in the relationship. My wife is absolutely stunning and I want to show her off! That's the bottom line, sport'n what you got. OK, thats it for most guys. Other men may just want to look at other women, not sure. But since everyone has on sunglasses, you never know where they are looking, yikes. Now, since my wife has brains and is gorgeous, she is ok with being seen naked. It's all a little taboo we all know that, so that makes it fun. I think saying you just enjoy the freedom of being nude and uniting with nature is hogwash. In all actuality mens naked parts are not attractive, neither is being able to see certain areas of a women up close and smiling at you. So who knows why we do it.
    Interesting perspective on the whole AN experience..... I respect all opinions and MY opinion is that there is some truth to your perspective. I gotta draw a definitive line at referring to enjoying the freedom and uniting with nature as "hogwash". That's just untrue. If YOUR motives for enjoying AN are not related to enjoying freedom and uniting with nature, then as long as you enjoy AN in YOUR way and it doesn't infringe on any other's enjoyment, then just enjoy.

    I too am blessed with a very attractive wife, and I'm always proud to with her. I wouldn't refer to it as "sporting what I got", but we all enjoy pride and beauty in our own ways. BEAUTY IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER.......just HOW one chooses to "BEHOLD" is up to them. Truth is that my wife gets 'hit on' and 'gawked at' by other guys more in sweats at the local grocery store than she did naked at CN! I don't see the AN beach at CN as a place for "gawkers"....that's more of a "HEDO" thing.

    Enjoying the freedom and uniting with nature can't be "hogwash" if so many people enjoy those aspects of A/N whether it be in public at a beach OR in private.. I can speak for myself and say that those aspects along with enjoying the romance of being with my wife all day nude and the relaxed, friendly, non-judgemental atmosphere of the A/N beach is why we enjoyed it so much and look forward to doing it again.

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Soldoni View Post
    Enjoying the freedom and uniting with nature can't be "hogwash" if so many people enjoy those aspects of A/N whether it be in public at a beach OR in private.. I can speak for myself and say that those aspects along with enjoying the romance of being with my wife all day nude and the relaxed, friendly, non-judgemental atmosphere of the A/N beach is why we enjoyed it so much and look forward to doing it again.
    Indeed, it's not "hogwash" - try going to a nudist resort where there aren't so many noobs; it's not even vaguely romantic. You go because you like the feeling and freedom of being "all day nude and the relaxed, friendly, non-judgemental atmosphere" - which has been my experience at both Couples and the handful of resorts I've been to. Yes, we're all still human and will always be "checking each other out" but it becomes just a part of "being" rather than a focal point of thought.

    I agree that the "flaunters" and the "gawkers" would probably have a better time over at Hedo. Once you've gone AN a few times (or just approach it with a different attitude) the whole "taboo" nature of it dissipates quickly - it's not really sexual at all.

  16. #16
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    Wow sorry to upset so many people! i was actually kind of goofing off when i wrote that. I am proud of my wife and beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I'm no "new" to public nudity at all. I actually grew up in Europe and everyone seems to be naked all the time, public pools, private pools, beaches, newspapers, magazine (normal magazines) so it's not that I hit 40ish and headed off to another country to be nude with nature. it's no big deal to me. But even then and there, our goal was not to become one with nature, it was just no big deal being nude. raised that way, lived that way when it was appropriate. Didnt mean to cheapen it for some of you, some of the replies did the same for me. So anyway, just wanted to say sorry to everyone. I'm not concerned with flaunters or gawkers, who cares. I'm no stud either, out of shape, normal, and enjoying life. Again, my apologies!

  17. #17
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    we will be at CN next week,for me ive been to jamaica several times,AN many times,she is leaning on me for her 1st visit to jamaica,its about trust and she has plenty in me.We thought about CSA but the AN beach intrigued us.We are a fun loving couple who is very young at heart,see us at the beach,bar or dancing all night.....

  18. #18
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    No apologies needed. This is a cool place to voice opinions and share info......it'slike thay say on the beach...." no problem mon"

  19. #19
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    No apologies needed - just be aware that many people outside of Europe conflate AN with sexually-oriented activities and this gives the wrong impression (and makes it harder to find places to enjoy AN). As to the "communing with nature" - that's a personal experience and to each their own. For me, it's not so much "communing with nature"; more that it's so different from the everyday that it gives me a bit of a jolt, forces me to slow down a bit and look at people a bit differently (quite literally!).

  20. #20
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    I definitely like the feeling of not having a bathing suit rash at the end of the day! We have a hot tub at home and we discourage clothing in it so it just feels more like home to be au natural. I really firmly believe that civilized people do not bathe clothed. Lol.

  21. #21

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    Quote Originally Posted by improvgirl View Post
    I've read so many threads where the female in the couple was reluctant but the male was all ready and set to go and needed to convince her. I've yet to read one where it's the opposite. Why do you think that is? It's certainly not been my experience.

    Don't get me wrong, my partner and I are both as eager as you can be for the AN experience. We loved our first time at CTI and can't wait to get back. But I'm a widow and my husband of 13 years who died would NEVER have done AN. I think it was a combination of his being more conservative, plus his fear of other guys gawking at his wife. I guess for that reason, until I came here, I always thought either guys would be more reluctant or else it would be at least 50/50.

    In a related note, there were no same sex couples when we were there. Are there ever?
    Quick response about the same-sex couple question..

    Jamaica has a rabidly homophobic culture, with male homosexuality being expressly illegal, and female homosexuality strongly frowned upon. As beautiful as Jamaica can be, it is not a welcoming destination for LGBT couples or individuals.

  22. #22

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    Wow.

    OK, so I just scanned through the whole thread and saw that there are a lot of strong opinions here about the "why" of either being reluctant, or eager to go to the Au Naturel beach or pool area.

    I'm gonna add my two cents, and maybe a little extra pocket change, besides.

    First - Nude sunbathing isn't about sex. Go read the rules. Go visit ANY nudist resort in the world. Go read ANY naturist magazine or website. Go talk to anyone who has spent time at any nudist beach or resort. Nude sunbathing is about being comfortable in your own skin and enjoying the feeling of warm sunlight on all of your skin at once.

    That said, there ARE places where the nudity is about sex and sexuality... Try the Hedonism resorts if that's what you want. Those places advertise, just like nudist resorts (or places like Couples that offer the option) to their respective clientelle. Look at the Couples website, then look at the Hedonism website and the differences will be pretty clear. (Just to be clear, I think BOTH types are just fine - I've been trying to convince my wife to try Hedo with me for years!) The problems come when, usually through plain ignorance, somebody doesn't understand the difference. Don't go to a Hedo resort and expect a sexuality-free zone. Don't go to Sans Souci for orgies in the pool.

    Now, on to the reluctance thing. Ther is no single answer for this, but there are , IMHO, lots of contributing factors. I must speak strictly in generalities here, so please don't take offence at any particular idea...

    I think it's pretty clear to anybody that thinks about it that, for generations, women have been judged on their looks much more than have men. It's the Barbie-doll image problem. Women just tend to be more self-conscious about their bodies than men. The various nudist resorts and clubs, Couples included, contribute directly to this problem by exclusively showing pictures of models with perfect (airbrushed) bodies and great tans running and splashing on the beach.. I assure you that, when you actually go, this is not what you will find. Oh, there's definately some attractive people in their youthful prime, but then there's also middle-aged pasty white guys like me with a few extra pounds, and women with stretch marks or c-section scars too.

    Also, (more so in America than elsewhere) women are socialized to think that 'nice girls' don't do that. It may sound a bit '50s, bit it's still out there. Once you actually get out and try it though, you'll realize just how wrong this notion actually is!

    Then there's the sexual side of it - men are more sexually agressive, and many women are, justifiably, cautious about exposing temselves to this part of our nature. Few women really want to be openly gawked at. Admired maybe.. but not gawked at. Again, this is the difference between places like Hedonism and places like Couples. If you want the sexuality aspect of it, go to Hedo - that's what that club is for. If you want to just enjoy some time in the sun without the swimsuit, go to Couples, or one of the many other resorts or clubs around the world that offer that experience.

    So here's my advice. Even if you're hesitant or nervous, go ahead and try it. You may be nervous about it at first, but give it time. Just relax. The people around you are all there for the same experience. Some will look at you, some won't. As long as the other guests have chosen the right resort, probably no one will stare, or even pay much attention. Nudism is about comfort and acceptance, so relax and enjoy it.

    You may just decide you like it :-)

  23. #23
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    Well put bigdad !!

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