It’s called, Couplesitis Adorium. This is an insidious affliction that travelers to the small island of Jamaica in the West Indies have come face to face with this strange and powerful reactions.
It has no basis in the scientific community, for theirs is the study of absolutes and testing and proofs towards a positive result. This malady has none of that. In fact, it preys on the naive and, often times, with catastrophic consequences.
As best as we have been able to figure out, the average, fun loving, couple looking for a vacation, nay, an experience like no other is lured to one of four different properties where this CA, is all around, disguised as reggae music, jerk chicken and pork, Patties, that beg you to have just one more. All of these clever distractions catch the weary traveler with his or her guard down. They have no idea that the transformation has already begun.
While there is no real data that has been kept on this Caribbean invasion, most reports indicate that by the end of the first evening, that is correct, the very first night, while the happy couple is sipping Purple Rain followed by Sex on the Beach, their immune system is beginning to shut down. Their senses are not picking up the garbled and mixed messages being sent to the brain. They, however, are by this time, swept up in the sultry atmosphere they are surrounded by. The warm soft lapping of the tiny waves they can hear in the distance. The palm trees sway to the heartbeat of the strange sounding music. Laughter is heard almost everywhere, there are people with smiles all over their faces. Yes, my fellow sufferers, That first night after you have arrived, and may have taken in only a minutia of sights and sounds, that very night, they will go to bed with near hysteria raging while they slumber. And throughout it all, if one were able to see these two unsuspecting and unwilling carriers, we would see a soft smile on both of their faces, and an aura about the room, that looks as though it was created in Hollywood or Disney Land. Poor chaps. They don’t stand a chance. And they don’t even know the half of it.
Yes friends, this is the fate of each and every “first timers”, or “newbies” as some of them prefer. Some of them may have been on the MB, and garnered some wonderful information, impassioned reviews and helpful suggestions. There may also have been some, never before seen pictures of the surrounding resort. This only made their hearts beat faster. Sights they never could have imagined.
Each place is unique, with it’s own ambience and special flare, but remember boys and girls, these four beautiful, well groomed and well taken care of parcels, have more on their agenda than just good looks. One can find all that superficial “good looks” stuff at any number of places on this well traveled island. But they are not at just another Jamaican dropping off point. Far from it. These places have special surprises in store for those that dare to enter.
Now, if, perhaps the fortunate meeting of couple with Couples should take place without having seen the marvelous magical message board, well then, that couple will surely succumb to the electrical charges being set off all around them, it just may take them an extra few hours before they realize that they have been transported to an oasis known only by “those that go, already know”. And surely they may think that it may all be okay in the morning. Not likely I’m afraid.
Now a word about the “Newbies” immurement into this hot hostile environment of gentle waters that average around 70 degrees F. Bathing suits and bare feet. Gentility everywhere.
This is the scenery that sets the stage for seemingly endless days and nights to play, enjoy each others company and that of others like themselves, who are wide awake but feel as though they must be dreaming.
So this newly indoctrinated pair of soon to be, “repeaters”, will find that they have a situation that will require some skill and patience, planning and scheming, and so much more, in order to make their return to this, until now, undiscovered all adult play land. You see, there is no cure for “Couplesites Adorium”. It has baffled some of the most savvy world travelers. They never thought it would happen to them. They had been around to many outstanding resorts, and never once did they come even close to inhaling “CA” But now that they had, their brains began to race for ideas and solutions on how they could return. That has been the one and only common denominator to all that have known this sneaky addiction. Sources tell me that those that can continue to return to the place that changed their lives, were able to live out their remaining years with less tension and stress, as long as the followed the routine of getting “one more fix”. Expensive, yes indeed. But it’s cheaper than divorce, and well worth doing whatever it takes.
Now, there was one such couple that found themselves sitting on a lounge chair at one of these fabled fun factories, and they had already decided that they must do all of that again. Unfortunately, as the time went by, things continued to get in their way. Like having a baby. Well really. Then he was laid off and money had to be diverted to pay, of all things, bills. It was one thing after another for this hapless duo.
The years continued to zoom by and these two kids couldn’t catch a break. Needless to say, with all the time that they had spent away from the Promised land, their marriage began to suffer. She spent endless hours during the day, as she went about the ordeal of parenting and living life, crying uncontrollably because she missed the fading memories of that “special time” in that far away country.
He tried to keep up his pace of working two low paying jobs, but it was becoming to much. Every night he would drag his tired and torn body home to the woman that he used to love and care for. Many times, she had already gone to bed, to try escape her loneliness. The house would be dark and quiet, and it haunted him even more.
They tried a couple of times to sell some of their furniture and other household items, to raise cash for just one more trip. But that never panned out. Their lives just seemed to spiral more and more out of control
We lost touch with those two very sad people. The last we heard, they were spotted at a tropical juice bar, somewhere south of the border, trying to replace the beauty and excitement they had once known when they were at a Couples adventure.
So a warning to all who gaze upon this sad document, revealing the incredible hold that “Couplesitis Adorium” can have on the uninformed. Heed this alert my friend. If you should go, and then you will know, remember, you must, you must I beg you, return to the spot that held your hearts and offered more pleasure then all the places in the world put together.
Again, while there is no cure, “Couplesitis Adorium” can be managed, somewhat successfully, with as many treatments of going “home” as one can do. Don’t wait my fellow fun seekers. Get back there soon. Otherwise your life may tumble out of orbit. You may find yourselves scrounging for tacos and tequila in some southwestern suburban of “far way from everything”.