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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    371

    Default HELP! need your advice

    Hi Everyone,

    I need to ask future brides/grooms a question. Please be honest about what your thoughts are.
    My mother is pushing me to ask my step-sister (who is about 10 years younger than myself)to be in our CSA wedding. I already have 5 people as bridesmaids (sisters and a cousin) which is one more than what the groom will have on his side. I'm not super close with her because she has only been a part of the family for a few months and we have very different personalities. '
    My mother is insisting that she need to feel 'apart of the family' for her own good, but what about what IIII want?
    Is this selffish? Should i just take one for the team and ask her to be in the wedding? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
    Thank you!!!

    Ash

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    129

    Default

    Hmmm, that's a hard one. One of the reasons I'm not inviting anyone else to our wedding is because somehow I think weddings turn into a day for everyone else. But it's your day, and it should be just how you want it and always imagined it. If you guys had grown up together, I'd say yes, but a few months?? I'd have to say no.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    685

    Default

    Thats a tough one. Is there something else she could do, like a reading or something. I don't think you are being selfish at all its your day and you have to be happy!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    225

    Default

    Congrats on your wedding!!! I'm a former bride (married at CSA Oct 08) and had a similar situation. I didn't ask mine and I still wouldn't today. This it your day and you should have who YOU want to have in your wedding. She's not even your age. I think you should have the wedding YOU want to have. Trust me, your mom will get over it once y'all get to CSA!!!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    69

    Default

    Ash,

    I can tell you from experience that it is best for you to do what makes you (and the future hubs) happy on your special day. If it will make you unhappy it will hang over your head for a long time. It has been a year since my wedding and I still cringe at the thought of it. If you can, I would suggest placing her in another position within the wedding. Go to your step-sister and discuss with her the situation.
    Juell and Andy (Jandy)

  6. #6

    Default step- sister

    ok, so this is the best way to handle it........ sit down with her, explain the situation, tell her you would like to make her part of your wedding, however the bridesmaids positions have already been filled. what would she like to help you with? maybe being in charge of the guest book & making sure everyone gets signed in. that way she still gets to be part of the wedding, doesn't feel left out, and no hurt feelings ensue i hope this helps. but keep in mind its your wedding, not your moms. have a great day! gerta

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    371

    Default

    Thanks guy. One thing to mention- sitting down and having a 'talk' with a 16 year old who really does care either way is not really possible. Its my mother who is the issue. But i think i'm going to take your advice and find another job for her to do. maybe the official guest book & program hander outer person would be something she could do.
    Any thoughts on what else she could do? Especially from people who have already been married in jamaica and know how everything flows--- thanks!!!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    26

    Default

    It's tricky as you obviously don't want to hurt anybody's feelings, but at the end of the day it's your wedding day it needs to be what you want. Being that she has only been in your family for a few months, would she even be expecting to be a bridesmaid?!
    I personally don't think you should feel like she has to have a role in the wedding at all, other than as a guest.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    22

    Default

    I personally wouldn't explain it to her at all that could be more hurtful telling her the positions have been filled.... I would just tell your mom it's your day and you only want the people your closes to in the wedding party... You're obviously not close to her or she would have already been asked no need to explain it to her or even include or in the wedding she's just a guest.... Do what makes you happy : ) I tend to be a very honest person... You could though let her get her hair and makeup or mani and pedi done with you... That's what I'm doing with my half sister were just not close...

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    225

    Default

    The ceremony is really short, so I can't really think of anything she can do for the ceremony. You can have her in charge of making sure everyone has what they need on that day and helping you get dressed. That's about all I can think of. I still say stick to your original wedding party. It's your day - ENJOY!!!

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    1,402

    Default

    I would tell your mother that you are a competent adult capable of making your own decisions and that she needs to respect that. Many of the couples who choose a destination wedding get married alone, and we've encountered more than one couple who chose to get married in Jamaica did so to get away from an overbearing mother.
    Pamela
    I know everything, and I'm always right (just ask my husband).

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